The Stabby Shanty

10 weeks ago by @dr_griff

Liner Notes

#shanty #scifi #silly

A few months ago, @tawny249 challenged me to write a sea shanty about Stabby the Space Roomba. (If you don't know, Google it and then read the massive cache of Tumblr posts and Reddit/AO3 stories about Fleet Admiral Stabby.) Now, that shanty is completed.

The shanty I chose to set this to is the one that was all the rage during the start of lockdown. Search "Nathan Evans - The Wellerman" to find it on YouTube.

Lyrics

TTTO “The Wellerman”

V1
I was just a cadet when I arrived
I was young and strong and fierce and alive
Sitting in the mess with my fellow crew
I was ready to serve and thrive

Then a bite on my ankle made me roar
And I glared at a bot down on the floor
Another crewman laughed at me
“You haven’t met Stabby before?”

CHORUS
Stabby the Roomba patrols this ship
And the crew of the USS Mir
Know to watch their step when they beam on board,
For Stabby does not steer clear!

V2
While I nursed my wound, the man explained
(He said that Arkie was his name)
This cleaning bot was a special one
They called him “Stabby, sir!”

Somebody - no one knew who
A member of our merry crew
Had fitted Stabby with a knife
And why, nobody knew.

CHORUS

V3
It took a while, he had to admit
But after just a little bit
Everybody fell in line
‘Cause Stabby was a hit

It was then agreed he’d keep the rank
Of the highest-ranking person he could shank
And that’s how Stabby the cleaning bot
Became a Fleet Admiral

CHORUS

V4
Since then Stabby gets salutes
And we all guard our formal boots
His standing has the deepest roots
And everybody knows.

And when visitors beam onto the Mir
We never tell them Stabby’s here
They all must learn to dodge and rear
And dance away from danger.

CHORUS

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