Perfectly Spherical Cowbell

by @jtsteam

Liner Notes

My attempt at the #cowcore challenge. Thinking about phrases involving cows, I remembered about the Spherical Cow ( that physicists talk about as a metaphor when they make simplifying assumptions. But where would you put the cowbell on such a thing?

Also with a #ukulele #fuc. I'm calling this #nerd_folk and #filk too.

Cow performers courtesy of Thanks!


I've started to study some physics
To learn how everything works
Discover the planets and understand atoms
And unlock the universe

The simplifying assumptions
Are helping me get through this class
So we always travel through vacuums
And always propel a point mass

But there's one thing I can't get my head round
One thing I've got to know how
Where do you put a cowbell on
A perfectly spherical cow?

(Cowbell solo)

I guess it'll be next semester,
It's a little too hard for me now,
To learn where to put the cowbell on
A perfectly spherical cow

(More cowbell)

Long live lifelong learning!
Because soon I'm going to know how
To fit a perfectly spherical cowbell on a
Perfectly spherical cow


I love learning from FAWMers!!! New concept to me, translated perfectly into song.

Saw the title and immediately thought it was a reference to the famously irascible physicist Fritz Zwicky (of dark matter fame; he also coined the word 'supernova') who referred to people he didn't like (and there were a great many of them) as 'perfectly spherical bastards' because they appeared to be a bastard no matter which direction he observed them from. This, though, is much more good-natured, and great fun with it. The cow sample is *perfect*.


Lovely uke playing.
I dunno, I guess you could superglue the bell to the side...?
Great lyrics and vocal delivery.
Such a charming track here for sure.

This is absolutely wonderful. The cowbell, the moos, the jaunty uke, all come together in a little delightful package. I love this.


When you measure the perfectly spherical cow, there will be gravitational surfaces created by the environment. The cowbell is thus hung pointing directly down into the deepest gravitational groove at all times.

Note: If the cow moves, the relative position of the cowbell will move too. This may lead to decapitation.

Lovely solo and ringing additions! Such deep subjects you cover! Fun song!

Your song is a lot of fun to listen to.

(I hadn't heard of the concept so I appreciate the Wikipedia reference.)

Thanks for introducing me to spherical cows! Never heard that one before. 😂

these music hall melodies with clever lyrics are so much fun, and the cow is the cherry on top. since i havent studied physics, i wouldnt have the first idea on where to hang the cowbell on the perfectly spherical cow, so i cant help you there, it is hard enough for me to picture the shape of the cow in question.

This is so funny! I smiled through the whole song after translating the metaphor :-)))
Let me know when you found it out, please!